And we will call him Theodore…

Or Teddy for short. Ted, which is even shorter.

Yep, the latest addition to the brood made his much-heralded appearance on Saturday morning (Friday night to others) at 2:41 a.m. This came after we arrived at the hospital on Thursday afternoon so that Ellen (my old lady) could be induced with a veritable cocktail of drugs aimed at tenderizing her cervix like an aged piece of Kobe beef.

After more than 25 hours of the midwife administering two different drugs three times like The Candy Man or that groovy purple dude from the psychedelic ‘70s cartoons who drove a microbus and wore high-heeled shoes and a hat with a long feather hanging from the side, they finally decided to go in and break her water. In the biz they call it “breaking the bag,” and when it was ruptured it sounded like a water balloon crashing onto the sidewalk.

Nevertheless, the bag breaking seemed to speed up the proceedings quite a bit and, interestingly enough, when someone says their water has been broken, there really is water… lots of water, in fact – all over the place, too.

Someone had to go and get a mop.

So we sat there in a room up to our ankles in water and caught some of the Carlos Ruiz’s dust-up with consummate sulker Marcus Giles, a whiner of such a high proportion that even baseball players say, “Yo, that dude always has the ass…”

That’s a bit of clubhouse jargon that the scribes lot to trot out amongst themselves and other so-called insiders in order to indicate that they are in the so-called club. It’s not quite a secret handshake, but it might get one into the lobby of the headquarters building.

Anyway, old pal Matt Yallof and I once had a not-too friendly conversation with whiner Giles back when he was playing for the Braves. If I recall correctly, Whiner was upset that Mark De Rosa got a start against a tough right-hander or something. Either way, we weren’t impressed, but then again, I doubt he was either.

You should have seen it the time we tried to chat with Josh Beckett about union issues a few years ago… (insert sarcasm font) what a prince!

After a brief nap and sitting around like we were at Yellowstone waiting for Old Faithful to blow, it was time to push. Well, I didn’t push. I just grabbed a leg and did my best to stay north of the equator. Needless to say it was the fastest, most intense 50 minutes of my life.

And in the end, a big boy (8 pounds, 4 ounces and 22 inches long) with an even bigger name slid out.

Fortunately, Teddy’s big brother Michael is extremely pleased with his new role and his little friend. Teddy’s mother is doing very well considering she pushed something the size of a watermelon out of a passage the width of a crazy straw. Somehow she carried it all out with much humor, panache and grace.

August 25: On this date

Hey, I told you so…

The idea this winter was that catcher Carlos Ruiz wasn’t quite ready to handle the intricacies of playing every day in the big leagues. So to help out the rookie backstop, the Phillies spent $3 million on Rod Barajas. But so far this season Barajas has struggled and his playing time has waned, while Ruiz is second amongst all rookies with 17 RBIs and fourth with 28 hits in just 98 at-bats heading into Thursday’s action.

Interestingly, the Phillies very easily could have had Ruiz and Chris Coste as the team’s catchers for the league minimum… or Mike Lieberthal for a third of Barajas’ salary.

So in our first installment of, “Hey, I told you so… ” Dennis Deitch of the Delaware County Daily Times offers a reprint of his story on the day the Phillies signed Barajas.

Phillies sign catcher Barajas
By DENNIS DEITCH

PHILADELPHIA – When Pat Burrell offered so little protection to Ryan Howard in the batting order that the eventual MVP couldn't get a pitch to hit, the Phillies turned to Jeff Conine, who offered some professionalism to the fifth spot in the batting order.

When Mike Lieberthal's injury-plagued career with the Phillies wound to an injury-plagued conclusion last season, Chris Coste filled the gap and hit .328, including .356 with runners in scoring position.

Conine and Coste received nifty Christmas presents from the Phillies Thursday for their 2006 efforts: Conine got a one-way ticket to Cincinnati, while Coste watched as Rod Barajas signed a one-year deal with the Phils to relegate last year's feel-good story to third-stringer.

Next up for Pat Gillick: A Christmas Eve reindeer hunt.

Actually, the Phillies' general manager isn't out to ruin the holidays for anyone – at least not purposely. But you have to wonder whether his personnel decisions in recent days are improving the Phillies.

According to Gillick, the signing of outfielder Jayson Werth Tuesday didn't leave much playing time for Conine in an outfield that includes Burrell and his disappearing act, Aaron Rowand and his well-worn Blue Cross/Blue Shield card, and Shane Victorino.

"We think we weren't going to be able to give Jeff the playing time we were a month ago, six weeks ago," Gillick said. "When Werth was completed, we thought the best plan for us was to move Jeff on. I know he wants playing time. Right now, we project Werth is going to get a majority of the playing time that Jeff had.

"We acquired a player who can do similar things. I'd say that at this point, Werth is a better option."

Hmm. That guy who does similar things is the same Werth who didn't play a game in 2005; who has had two surgeries to correct a wrist injury suffered 21 months ago and admittedly isn't completely healed; who has a shade over 800 big-league plate appearances and a career .245 average, compared to Conine and his 7,500 plate appearances and .286 lifetime average.

At least the Phils got a pair of underwhelming prospects in return – a no-bat third baseman named Brad Key, and outfielder Javon Moran, who originally started in the Phillies' organization, but was traded to Cincy for Cory Lidle in 2004.

"It was a little bit of a surprise a couple of days before Christmas to get the call from Pat Gillick," "Obviously I didn't have a long tenure there in Philadelphia."

As for Barajas, he received a $2.5 million contract from the Phils for 2007, with a team option for 2008. Barajas started about two-thirds of the games behind the plate for the Rangers over the last three seasons and averaged 16 homers and 53 RBIs per year in that span while batting a lukewarm .252.

It should be noted that Barajas put up those numbers in the American League, where the No. 9 hitter in the lineup often sees a healthy dose of fastballs. That particularly was the case for Barajas, who was hitting in front of players like Gary Matthews Jr., David Dellucci and Michael Young while in Texas.

There was some controversy when Barajas changed agents after some reports had him reaching a verbal agreement with the Blue Jays last month.

"I wanted to the right fit for me," Barajas said. "This feels completely right."

According to the Phillies, Barajas and Carlos Ruiz will share time behind the plate, with performance determining which catcher makes the majority of starts.

So, does Coste at least have a spot on the club as a bench player solidified?

"I can't use the word solidify," Gillick said. "We still need a left-handed hitter. The fact that Werth can catch some … there's some flexibility there. If we acquire a left-handed hitter, someone could be in jeopardy."

Hard to believe a guy who hit .328 who showed a knack for clutch hitting and delivering in the pinch might be at peril … but so says Gillick.

When it comes to protecting Howard in the order next season, Gillick said, "If we don't get another hitter, we'll probably make an internal adjustment to back up Ryan."