Can't they all just get along?

Baseball players are babies… there, I said it. When one ballplayer has a beef with another player and wants to engage in fisticuffs, what does he do? Yeah, that’s right… he throws a ball at the other guy.

How silly is that?

Say I’m sitting in the press box at Citizens Bank Park or RFK or anywhere else in the country, and I have a problem with, say, Mike Radano. Do you think I’m going to throw an apple at him from across the room? No, of course not. If such a situation arises, I’m going to get up out of my seat, walk to the other side of the room, and punch Mike.

Hey, that’s how I roll.

I’m not going to shout and scream and carry on about beating up the other guy or yell about how tough I am. Instead I’ll introduce Mike to Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary. Of course I’d probably end up in the roundhouse, but that’s a different story.

Anyway, every so-called baseball “fight” starts and ends the same way. One pitcher throws a ball that hits another player. Then, to retaliate, the pitcher for the team of the plunked hitter drills a player of the plunkers’ team. As you can see it’s a messy, tangled web.

Sometimes, when these bean balls get to a particular point a batter charges after the pitcher, which isn’t exactly a stealth move. It’s kind of like when the British Navy attacked the Falklands – first they told them they were coming, then they got in their boats and three weeks later they were in the southern hemisphere.

And then it was on.

Or at least a bunch of jostling and yelling takes place – like in the Phillies’ minor dust-up with the Marlins last night. In that instance Jon Lieber drilled Aaron Boone, then threw one behind Marlins’ pitcher Dontrelle Willis. When Lieber came up to bat in the fourth inning, Willis threw one three feet behind Lieber.

All even, right?

Apparently not. Apparently Lieber said something to Willis as the teams were changing sides at the end of the inning, which, according to sources, just might be the most Lieber has said about baseball all month since he has chosen not to engage the Philadelphia sporting press lately. Oh sure, he’s talking, but he’s not really saying much.

Nevertheless, Lieber’s comments stirred something in Willis to stand at home plate and call out the Phillies as if he was Tanner Boyle from the North Valley League Bears. Because of that, the Phillies’ bench spilled out onto the field and the Marlins emptied out and the tango was… well, it was more like the gang fight in Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video.

So that was that. In the modern parlance, that’s a baseball fight. But in retrospect, perhaps baseball players aren’t wimps at all. Better yet, they seem kind of smart. After all, what good does fighting do?

Why, no good. No good at all.

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Interestingly, one of the first Phillies on the scene of last night’s tango was maligned catcher Rod Barajas. In that instance, Barajas properly blocked a Marlin from advancing. It’s just too bad for the Phillies and Brett Myers that it didn’t come about 24 hours earlier.

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More interestingly, in activating Ryan Howard from the disabled list the Phillies sent Chris Coste to Double-A Reading. Why Double-A instead of Triple-A Ottawa? According to assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr., Coste was sent to Reading so that he can work as a catcher more often. In Ottawa Coste spent most of his time playing first base so that prospect Jason Jaramillo would get the majority of the time behind the dish.

Who knows, maybe with Coste going to Reading to catch means that he will be returning to Philadelphia as a backstop in the near future. It definitely seems as if the Phillies could use a reliable backup for Carlos Ruiz.

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The umpiring crew featuring Dan Iassogna is working tonight’s game in Atlanta. Does anyone want to bet that someone gets ejected from the game? How about if I set the series over-under on ejections at five, or is that too low?