Say it ain't so, Joe

This morning’s drive to the drive to the coffee shop started out just like any other. Actually, the only thing different this morning was that it was very normal. Way too normal, even. Unlike yesterday, we didn’t get run off the road by a suburban mother racing in her Prius to the coffee joint, before watching her jump out of the car while it was still moving to its resting point, jog to the shop with the driver’s side door still ajar before elbowing her way to the front of the line to order a peppermint latte…

Then she picked up a copy of The New York Times, sat down on one of the overstuffed grey chairs and began reading.

I see that kind of stuff every day and this one was almost as funny as the time when I saw a neighbor move his trash cans to edge of the driveway, take the lids off, climb on top in attempt to push the garbage further down in the receptacle. But while standing on top and jumping up and down ever so slightly to really push the trash down, the can tipped to its side like a tall tree falling in the forest. The only thing missing was someone shouting, “TIM-BER!” And all of this occurred in the time it takes one to drive by someone’s house.

Fortunately in that case the only damage was a soiled Burberry scarf, which the trash jumper likes to wear as if he was the Red Baron.

But this morning there was no speeding Prius or flying ace taking out the trash. No, this was much more sinister and came packaged in the mellifluous baritone of one of America’s most beloved sports announcers… well, that’s pushing it a bit. It was Joe Buck, not Vin Scully, and Joe was definitely selling something, which he did earnestly and without irony.

Yep, Joe wants you to buy MLB’s Extra Innings package, and he wants you to buy DirecTV, too. It’s easy, he said in his spanking new radio ad. Easier than owning cable, in fact… at least that’s what he said.

Here’s the curious part: Buck’s ad for the new DirecTV Extra Innings package was on the radio not long after senators from the Commerce Committee held a two-hour meeting with MLB President Bob DuPuy. Based on that information and the alacrity for which the Buck ad was aired, I’d guess it was produced a while ago, and I’d wager that DuPuy and the gang had no interest in negotiating a better deal with cable companies in order to sell their product to people who really, really want it.

In fact, DuPuy treated the Senators in very much the same way he did the fans by telling them that he would not agree to continue negotiating a more fan-friendly deal into the season. In other words, we’re lucky MLB lets us watch at all. Hell, we’re probably lucky they let us buy tickets while we can still afford them.

In other words, thanks Mr. DuPuy. Thanks for the new way to watch a ballgame. It kind of goes like this:

Bases loaded, two outs in the bottom of the ninth with the Phillies trailing by three with the chance to go to the playoffs for the first time since ’93 riding on this 3-2 pitch to Ryan Howard. The pitcher winds, delivers… buffering, buffering, buffering… 47 percent… buffering, buffering… 77 percent… buffering, buffering, buffering… 93 percent… buffering…

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